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Really Good Mother – Guest Post

February 3, 2010

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Have you ever thought you’d be really, really good at something, even though you’ve never tried it? Maybe watching sports, or American Idol, or SYTYCD (So you think you can dance) and thought-Oh my gosh! I would totally be so good at that!

I once had that thought…about motherhood. I thought, “Wow, I would be a really fantastic mother.” Oh, and it wasn’t just me. Friends, family, acquaintances would say, “You are going to be the best mom.” And guess what? I believed them. Hahaha. So.not.smart.

After I had my first baby, I thought, “Oh yeah, I really am good at this.” Of course, I had a baby that slept through the night at eight weeks, never cried, and never got into anything. I swear, she didn’t. She never made messes, never threw tantrums-nothing. Rather than thinking I had won the kid lottery, I assumed it was because of my superior parenting. I remember looking at couples with children who were always destroying things, dirty, and talking back, and think, “Wow, I must be a REALLY good mother.”

Yes, I lived in my delusional world, content with life. Three years after the birth of our first daughter, we were blessed with a second daughter through adoption. She was beautiful, sweet, content…things were harder now with two, but really, I still thought I was a good mom.
When our second daughter hit six months, her quiet, calm personality melted away. She was loud, feisty, and into EVERYTHING. Now I had a destroyer of my own-what the what? What did I do wrong? At this same time, I found out we were pregnant (surprise!). The two babies were going to be 15 months apart. All of a sudden my perfect little world started to dissolve. I had a preschooler, a toddler, and a difficult pregnancy. Good mom? I would have settled for mediocre at that point. The TV was the babysitter while I was throwing up, and my toddler was tearing up the house. After the birth of our second daughter, I kind of gave up. Like the contestant on American Idol who thought they were going to wow the judges but just got a ‘wow, that was so awful’ I found out quickly that I was NOT a great mother. Not by any stretch of the imagination. That first year, I had at least one crying child at all times. I thought those were pretty good odds, though, 2 out of 3 not crying was doing well. When my youngest was 11 months, we got a call from the adoption agency telling us that our second daughter’s birthmom was pregnant, and she wanted us to adopt the baby.

Even though I was aware of how much I sucked at this point, I was excited. A sweet little boy, 12 months younger than my biological baby.

Now is the part where I write about the lessons I’ve learned, how I persevered, and how deep down I know I am a wonderful mother, and how they all turned out cute, sweet, happy, and we’re all perfect. Well, if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve found the wrong mama. My two-year-old (see picture) is still feisty, fiery, and completely unafraid. She thinks she is in charge of the world, and I think her mission may be to destroy me. The other day we were down to only a few rolls of toilet paper, and she unrolled an entire roll and flushed it down the potty. She has also flushed her underwear, and drank an entire bottle of benadryl while I was showering. This is all within the past month. If she is too quiet, I know I need to run, because something is going to be ruined.

Her baby sister is also crazy, climbing the walls, and tearing apart everything she can. Sweet baby boy? Had colic. The first.four.months.of.his.life. Honestly, screamed for four months. Now? Sweet and cute as can be. (Hey, I say we earned that one.)

My point: (Yes, I do have one.) Ever notice how everyone has great parenthood advice until they have kids? Or everyone is a marriage expert when they’re single? Well, I’m here to eat a huge slice of humble pie. Great mother? Not even close. Good mother? prolly not. Okay mother? Depends on the day. The kids are fed, dressed, and sometimes bathed. The house is in a constant state of chaos. Most days before I get up I want to crawl under the bed and hide. No, I may not be a great mother, but I am still here. Hanging in there, somehow. And at night, when they are all snuggled in their beds, and quiet, and no one is whining, or pooping, or destroying, sometimes I peek in on them and think, “Ah, this must be what motherhood is supposed to feel like.” For just a moment. And then I have to start a load of peed-on laundry. Or someone wakes up. Or someone poops. *Sigh.*

Visit Melissa at Glamazon Mormon Mom

I am a 30-year-old amazon (ahem, I mean Glamazon). Seriously. 5’11”. I am a stay-at-home mama to four kids, the oldest is five. Hubby and I have been married for seven years, and we live in a small town. Blogging is my way of staying sane, and making stories funny, otherwise I would probably be crying.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. February 3, 2010 6:51 am

    I think we all think we’ll be great moms, and then reality hits. But the things like you mentioned don’t make us bad moms.

    My daughter was an angel all through babyhood and the toddler days. We thought our son would be the same way. Um, no! He didn’t figure out how to nap until 4 months and he always was getting into things he shouldn’t (still does)!

    • February 3, 2010 7:19 am

      Evonne-I once had someone tell me our second children remind us that most of the time our kids’ behavior doesn’t have much to do with us as parents! (Good and bad). Thanks for commenting!

  2. February 3, 2010 6:58 am

    Oh man, I so related. Not a great mom at all. I just found out this morning that because my five year old doesn’t know how to tie his shoes, he’s having a girl in his class tie them for him. I guess we need to get working on that.

    • February 3, 2010 7:20 am

      Kmama- Hey, he is a smart kid-he’s got a girl to do it for him! πŸ™‚ Glad to hear someone relates, and I’m not the only one! Thanks for commenting.

  3. February 3, 2010 8:36 am

    Despite what you say, I think you are an amazing mom! You are one tough cookie!

  4. February 3, 2010 9:26 am

    WOW! What an interesting life!! I loved this post! It’s so true about people being child experts until they have children on their own.

    I follow glamazon mom already and I LOVE her blog!!

  5. February 3, 2010 9:28 am

    Loved this post! It is so true.. how many things did we say we would or would not do when we were moms.. and then well we have kids. The first usually is great and you hold pretty true to what you said, but throw in another, and who is this person that I have become???

    • February 3, 2010 11:42 am

      Thanks Emmy! It’s niceknowing i’m not the only one πŸ™‚

  6. February 4, 2010 12:35 am

    I think it’s pretty awesome that you brought home your son!

    We’re just about to the 6 month mark with our youngest and anxious so see how her personality trends. At this point, super mellow and laid back. But, her sister only has two modes. ON and sleeping.

    • February 4, 2010 3:26 pm

      Thanks Monica! It’s fun when their personality starts to show…well, normally fun. Unless they are screamers πŸ™‚

  7. February 4, 2010 10:40 am

    This is one of the most honest and well-written blog posts any mom has ever written. You summed it all up perfectly. None of us are perfect moms. If you think someone is the “perfect mom” go home with them one weekend and watch the psychosis sneak out!

  8. February 5, 2010 6:45 am

    OH My gosh! I glogged today and you and I could have written our posts together !! Go read my post over at ambers blog to see what I mean ! REALLY .. it’s eerie!!

    http://amber-laha.blogspot.com/

    BFF!!!!!

    XOXO
    SUPAH

  9. February 6, 2010 7:03 am

    If you think it’s hard now, you wait until they’re teenagers πŸ˜›

    I like what you say tho. Because so many of those mums of perfect babies who think they’re doing really well try to give advice on how to deal with teens.

    They have NO idea! For six years, it’s just like trying to rationalise with your six-month-old or communicating with an alien πŸ™‚

    And then, when they’re in about the last teenage year, it starts to calm down a bit. They start to be able to think things through better.

    It’s not perfect – I believe it’s been said that they are not emotionally mature until they are 23/24 – but it does start to get a bit less like banging your head against a brick wall.

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